You meet a leprechaun. One of the statutory requirements of the situation is of course that he grant you three wishes before you let him go. Being an Irish leprechaun (are there any other sort) there is a condition that you take up permanent residence in the country in order to avail of the tax relief on your winnings.

Now leaving aside the fact that if you still believe in leprechauns in the 21st century you should probably be staying in the hospital founded by Jonathan Swift and still serving the over-stressed and over-indulged of Dublin society, here’s a few addresses you might like to consider.

Áras an Uachtaráin

The official residence of the president of a country is of course a pretty good place to live, particularly if you also happen to be the president. Built in 1751 by chief park ranger Nathaniel Clements and occupying 92 of the 1,752 acres of the Phoenix Park, the house, pronounced as hourglass without the “gl”, has been developed and extended several times over the centuries. From 1782 it was the official residence of the lords Lieutenants (or Viceroys) of Ireland, the king’s representative. When the last Governor-General of the Irish Free State left it in 1932 the house remained empty until the creation of the office of President of Ireland in 1937.

If you don’t want to go through the rather tedious process of actually becoming President, you could always promise the government to underwrite the costs of the recession we’re entering into at the moment and I’m sure they’d strike you a deal.

Otherwise, the house is open to the public on Saturdays only. There’s no advance booking - you must first collect a (free) ticket from the Phoenix Park Visitors’ Centre on the day. Details are available on the contact page of the Áras website.
www.president.ie

The Zoo

You won’t have too many neighbours if you’re living in The Park. The US ambassador is just across the way but the Papal Nuncio moved out some time ago and his place is now occupied by the Visitors’ Centre. There’s a few Guards up at the Garda Depot and some thirty-odd lodge houses are habitable, but not a lot of people realise that several of the zoo’s keepers also live on site. I knew the daughter of one of them in college and I can tell you that a zoo is a pretty cool place to be at night after it’s closed to the public. The downside was she used to get into awful trouble whenever she was stopped by the cops and asked for her address.

The Mansion House

If you don’t fancy the hassle of becoming President you might want to go for Lord Mayor instead. After all, she’s elected by the City Councillors (as opposed to the people of Ireland) so there’s a lot less palms to grease. You’ll also save the long walk home after a night on the town, since Dublin’s Mansion House is right in the heart of the city on Dawson Street.

Joshua Dawson was a merchant and civil servant who had been granted the Freedom of Dublin in 1702. In 1705 he purchased a narrow strip of land in what was called Molesworth-fields and set about draining it and laying out the broad street named after him. He was the original occupant of the Mansion House but in 1715 he offered it to the Corporation, who were looking for a permanent residence for the Lord Mayor, at less than the cost it had taken to build it. It has been the official Mayoral residence since that date and was the site of the first sitting of Dáil Éireann (the Irish parliament) in 1919.

There are no tours of the Mansion House but the Round Room is available for hire for events and banquets, and many of these are public. Otherwise, if you want to get a flavour of the place, you can visit the excellent Fire Restaurant inside.

As you pass, look out for the city arms over the door, with the city motto Obedienta Civium Urbis Felicitas (The obedience of the citizens produces a happy city). Look out too for the Lord Mayor’s car. You’ll know it, because one of the other perks of the job is that you get the first registered car each year, so the present incumbent, Eibhlín Byrne, will get “09 D 1” next January.

No 1 Grafton Street

If Grafton Street is Dublin’s premier shopping street (though architectural historian Maurice Craig called it “a narrow and miserable thoroughfare which is still palpably a country lane”), then surely Number 1 Grafton Street is Dublin’s most des-res address. Unfortunately, to attain it you’ll have to triumph in the most cut-throat political environment of all – that of Academe. For 1 Grafton Street is the address of the Provost’s House of Trinity College.

The house was built by Francis Andrews, provost of the college from 1758 to 1774 and the man responsible for building the western courtyard of the college which fronts onto Dame Street. It is said to have been modelled on a house built for General Wade in London, of which Chesterfield remarked that its owner would do best to take a house opposite so that he could look at it without having to live in it. When the gates are open, you can have both these pleasures for yourself. When they’re closed you’ll have to stand on Molly Malone’s cart and peer over the wall.

The Provost’s house is unique in that it is the only one of Dublin’s great stone mansions (the Mansion House is brick) still in residential use.

Stephen’s Green

One superb abode that is occupied by a mere mortal is the beautiful little red brick house nestling in the Harcourt Street corner of the Green. I’m not sure who lives there, presumably the head gardener or gatekeeper or some such. Whoever it is, there’s a job with perks! Can you imagine the front garden you’ve got to yourself after the Green shuts?

1 Atmospheric Road

Strictly speaking this is in Dalkey, the popular and pricey seaside suburb of Dublin, so close to the edge of the pale that a strong wind will blow you into Wicklow. Now I have to admit that I don’t know who lives there, or what their house looks like, but who wouldn’t want to live in a place called Atmospheric Road.

But before any Hollywood writers out there begin to think that they may have underestimated the Oirish affection for twee-ness, let me explain that there is a rational explanation for such a wonderful name. Atmospheric Road is beside Dalkey train station, the terminus of the world’s first atmospheric railway line from 1844-1854. The line ran from Kingstown (now Dun Laoghaire) to Dalkey, using tracks that had been laid to aid the construction of Dun Laoghaire Harbour. Using a pneumatic tube laid between the rails containing a piston attached to the train, air was pumped from the tube creating a vacuum which would suck the train forward. On the return journey gravity provided the momentum. Later atmospheric railways ran in London, Devon and Paris, but all were short lived as the system proved too costly to maintain.

These days the helicopter is probably the transport of choice in Dalkey and neighbouring Killiney, as residents include Bono and The Edge, Enya, Neil Jordan, Van Morrison and Chris De Burgh. Eddie Irvine and Damon Hill have both lived there in the recent past, while writers Hugh Leonard and Maeve Binchy are both natives of Dalkey.